Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Why don't I blog regularly?

It had been ages since I wrote anything on my blog. Following are few reasons, I can think of:

- Re-located to India
- Joined new Job
- Blessed with a baby girl
- Celebrated 2nd wedding anniversary
- Read few books
- Met new people, did few new things………….

One of the best things I have been doing is reading few awesome blogs:

This place is really awesome…I religiously following this blog on a day-to-day basis.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Discovering - How to Win Friends & Influence People

How to Win Friends & Influence People had a great positive impact on my life. I was introduced to this book in a study circle conducted by Divine park in Bangalore 4 years ago. I started reading the book and implementing principles suggested in book, there was a tremendous change in the way I handled situations and people. I saw so much of progress in PR skills. I recently had a chance to revise the book it was then, I decided to write this review.

How to Win Friends & Influence People was first published in 1937, which to some people might mean that the content is dated. In a few places, you can detect some dated language and cultural references, but for the most part it is a non-issue; it’s quite easy to visualize every human interaction example given in the book in a modern context.

One of the best things about this book is the way it is organized. The book is been neatly divided into four sections and each section in-turn has few excellent suggestions to follow making this book a practical guide for building outstanding relationships in all walks of your life.

Re-discovering How to Win Friends & Influence People

Section 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. “If You Want To Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over The Beehive”

Most people don’t respond very well to criticism, condemnation, or complaint, so if you’re feeling such things about someone, just bite your tongue and hold back. By doing this, you avoid adding unnecessary negativity to a conversation, negativity that can very easily backfire on you by making others think less of you. I have seen this principle working so well for me. I can say this rule can cut down lots of true enemies and false friends in your life.

2. The Big Secret of Dealing With People

Speak positively of others every chance you get. Think of a few positive things to say about each person you know and then reference those positive attributes when you can.

3. “He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way”

Make the other person interested in you by leading with the things that are useful to them. Take a cover letter, for example; don’t lead with “I want this job,” but instead with something stating your best characteristic for that job.
Section 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere

The suggestion here was one of the most challenging ones for me to understand. In essence, Carnegie says that you should become genuinely interested in other people, which is rather challenging for most introverts to do. What I’ve found that works for me is that I try to internalize what other people are saying - does this make sense in my life? Then, I try to express what I figure out - it shows that I am taking an actual interest in what they’re saying.

2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

All you have to do is smile, but it’s harder than it sounds. I generally find success by greeting people in a positive fashion while imagining things that make me happy - it makes it much easier to bring forth a smile.

3. If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble

I am very good with names - I can recall facts about people by name without any trouble - but I run into issues when I see a face and try to put a name with it. This chapter suggests getting as good as you can with it. I’ve found that if I really need to remember someone’s name with their face, particularly before a conference, I look at their picture online with some regularity. This helps me to imprint their image in my mind and then be able to recall their name quickly after meeting them.

4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist

Here, Carnegie says the best way to be seen as being a good conversationalist is to genuinely listen to others. I’ve always found this part to be easy - it’s the speaking part that I find challenging.

5. How to Interest People

The key technique here is to translate what you hear into talking about what interests the person you’re speaking to. Listen for things that they are interested in that you know something about, and then follow that point as a train of conversation - don’t just interject your current passions into the discussion, because they might not be shared.

6. How to Make People Like You Instantly

If you want to build a real bond with someone else, make it clear how important that person is to you and do it in a way that the sincerity of the feeling comes across. I find a great way to do this is actually by connecting two people I know together - I introduce them to each other with a compliment to both of them, especially if I know something that they’ll have a mutual interest in.

Section 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. You Can’t Win An Argument

So, avoid arguments. If something looks like it might be turning into one, just let it drop as gracefully as you can and move on. Doing this over and over again will make you appear levelheaded and rational.

2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies - and How to Avoid It

The easiest way to make an enemy is to tell them that they are wrong. Instead of doing that, say something like, “I never thought of it that way before” and ask questions, whether or not you feel the position has merit or not.

3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It

If you are revealed to be wrong, just admit it and be very clear about the admission. Don’t try to hide it under sulking or arrogance, because you’ll just amplify the negativity of those behaviors when you’ve clearly been exposed as being wrong.

4. A Drop of Honey

Often, you have to enter conversations where you’re going to have to deliver some bad news or a negative report. You can make this go much easier by starting off with the positives. For example, if you have terrible service at an otherwise good restaurant, don’t shout at the manager about it - tell him the things you did like first, then point out that some service problems may be tarnishing the reputation of the restaurant. One of cousin (Anand) calls this approach as Sandwich approach and is very useful.

5. The Secret of Socrates

If you’re trying to convince someone of your argument, start off with base points that you’re absolutely sure they will agree with and ask them to acknowledge that agreement. Then, when you move from step to step, keep getting those positive acknowledgements. A string of “yes”es is more likely to yield another “yes.”

6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

When someone comes to you to complain about something, don’t interject and start an argument. Let them blow off their steam and only respond when they’re finished. Ask questions to encourage them to speak even more. This will often cause them to vent off most or all of their issue, which makes it much easier for the problem to be handled rationally at the end of the conversation.

7. How to Get Cooperation

If you can, lead them to the conclusion of the argument. Present all of the ideas up front, then state your conclusion and ask for their approval on it with a nice “What do you think?” Listen to what they have to say and then try to incorporate it. In the end, they will feel like the idea is theirs and will come out of the conversation feeling quite positive about things. This is a great way to get a supervisor to incorporate a change in the workplace.

8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

If you just don’t understand where someone is coming from, spend a bit of time trying to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Why would this person feel this way about the situation? Usually, putting yourself in their shoes for a while will reveal a few things that weren’t entirely clear to you before and might just lead directly to a healthy understanding and solution to the problem at hand.

9. What Everybody Wants

Inevitably, someone will come to you with an untenable idea or desire that you simply can’t approve of. In that case, at least show approval of the feelings and thoughts that brought the suggestion to bear.

10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes

Regardless of whether or not you feel a claim is legitimate or not, respond to it with sincerity by appealing to fundamental societal ideas of right and wrong and fair play. Frame your response in such a way that the person’s fundamental sense of right and wrong is put into play when they hear what you have to say.

11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?

If you have a great idea, think of how to incorporate it into a story. Relate it directly to a human experience and tell that story as you’re trying to tell your idea. Connecting the concept to a tale will always make it work - that’s the reason fables stay around for thousands of years.

12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This

If you can’t get your ideas and motivational speeches to work, throw down a direct challenge. This doesn’t mean saying something like “I challenge you…”; just do something to get their competitive spirit going. By doing this well, you can draw even more of their spirit into completing the objective.

Section 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

If you’re going to find fault in a person or an organization, start off by stating their positive attributes and the things that you find good about the person or the group. Then, once you’ve established that there are positive attributes and you’re not just railing on them, you can move onto the criticism.

2. How to Criticize - and Not Be Hated for It

If you’re going to criticize something, you’re better off criticizing it indirectly, usually by offering a positive suggestion in another direction. Let’s say, for example, that I were to write a piece on here that you didn’t agree with. Rather than trying to trash the argument, one could merely say that I could word it differently and suggest some phrase changes so it didn’t come off as overbearing, thus alerting me indirectly to some of the big flaws in the argument.

3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

Another effective way to blunt the sting of criticism is to tell of your own faults and mistakes first. Let’s say you’re trying to advise someone about debts. One way to make the advice more effective is to talk of your own problems with accruing debt.

4. No One Likes to Take Orders

If you need to instruct someone to do something, instead of shouting out an order, ask some questions about the problem and lead them to the water of the solution in which they can participate. If you involve them in the solution by asking questions, not only will they do it, they’ll feel involved in the solution.

5. Let the Other Person Save Face

If you’ve just offered up criticism, allow the other person plenty of space to save face. Let them correct the mistake if they can, or at least give them the opportunity to do so - only after this opportunity should you seek change. Your belief might be to get rid of the problem completely, but by letting the problem at least have a chance to be solved, you not only appear more fair to the person or group in question, you appear more humane and a much more sound leader to everyone else.

6. How to Spur People On to Success

Whenever someone shows any sign of improvement, make it clear to that person - and to others - that you notice and appreciate it. I recall an experience in a workplace where we had to turn out “units” every so often. The average person on the team was turning out eight or nine units a day, while one person was working steadily but only turning out five. After talking to a supervisor about it, he tried some new techniques and produced six a day - and seven on the final day of the week. The boss made it a point to praise him at a meeting, stating that he had cranked up productivity more than 20%, even though he was still the lowest producer. Eventually, he began to produce at the level of everyone else because he now believed he could do it.

7. Give a Dog a Good Name

When you introduce someone or mention them in a group setting, always talk them up. Give them a standard to live up to as you introduce them and they’ll try hard to live up to that standard. The reverse is true; if you don’t say much or criticize them as you introduce them, they’ll live up to that lowly standard instead.

8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct

If you’re giving advice to someone about how to correct a problem, try to make the problem seem easy to correct. Offer up lots of pointers that on their own seem quite easy and let that person believe that they’re all easy and that they can do it. Making the suggestions for correcting the fault seem difficult makes the person think that it’s going to be very hard and they’re doomed to failure - not an easy road to follow.

9. Making People Glad to Do What You Want

Once you know a person, you know where their points of pride are. When you ask them for something, make sure that they see the connection to things that they pride themselves on, and also be sure to compliment them on those points of pride. Put it in a context of the bigger goals and let them see that you see even their simple piece as a vital part of the puzzle. Doing these things will make people much happier to follow your requests with happiness.

Buy or Don’t Buy

If you have read the entire review then, it seems you are interested in self improvement, I recommend you buy this book from you can go for a used books (Second hand) to start with. Spend some time practicing every single one of the tips. You’ll soon find yourself actually conversing with people instead of being nervous or uncomfortable, simply because you have several good ideas on how to start and how to keep it going. Don’t worry about it being dated; the fundamentals of human interaction are timeless and the reason this book has been in print for seventy years is because it works. It worked for me, at least.
I find most of my friends and colleagues failing in many things not because of lack of knowledge or resources but because of lack of these basic skills of people management.

I wish you all a very happy reading

Friday, January 25, 2008

तारे ज़मीन पर - Review

Directorial debut of Amair Khan received a standing ovation in many of the local theaters in my native. After a real long time, I felt there was a movie made in bollywood that made great sense and that touched our hearts. I was able to watch movie at the right time when, I am about to become a dad. To be frank I wasn’t all that excited to watch the movie, I kept postponing the plans for almost 2 weeks after release and was moved with the concept. Here is the brief snapshot of the movie:

Eshaan Awasthi being the key character suffers from dyslexia and therefore suffers miserably at school. Due to his lack of performance in studies, he is constantly nagged by his parents, taunted by classmates and even bullied by older children. His doting mother spent time over his betterment but couldn’t comply with the difficulties of coping with a dyslexic child since she had no clue what little Eshaan was going through.

Finally one day his father decides to send him to boarding, thinking this to be the only viable option available for an improvement. And that’s where Eshaan meets Ram Shankar Nikumbh (Amir Khan), a temporary art teacher at school who is determined to help him, at any cost.

I have so many reasons why every one should watch this movie:

1. First note of appreciation goes to Amir Khan for the excellent debut direction, it was near impossible for any one to deal with such a subject as sensitively as shown in the film.
2. Darsheel Safary as Eshaan Awasthi is very impressive. The mischief in his eyes and a determination to throw back at the world the same shit that he experiences is awesome and at times heart wrenching.
3. Tisca Chopra as Eshaan’s mum has done a commendable job. A very controlled and convincing portrayal.
4. Despite being a superstar and the director, Aamir doesn’t over expose his character and thereby remains faithful to the story at hand.
5. Good use of animation, which in turn interprets a young mind’s imagination.

The thing is children like Eshaan need special care, attention and supportive family members/friends in their lives to cope with dyslexia, which he found in Ram, a trained professional who lends time in molding a better life for Eshaan.

Dyslexia is a learning disability which manifests in different people differently. It’s a friction between the brain and the action it is just about to make. The cause is hereditary which is why one cannot help being dyslexic. Taare Zameen Par may not be an eye-opener but it surely touches ones emotional side on many different levels.
Once again kudos to Mr. Aamir Khan for a heartwarming directorial debut.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Money mantra

Off-late I have developed a great interest in the personal finance field. I never believed in opening a pension account or having a savings account or investing smart in shares. After following couple of personal finance blogs from past 2 years I was delightedly surprised by the changes in my life:

• I think twice before swiping my credit card at fancy malls now
• I talk to executives in banks to wavier service/customer service charges on my account
• I review my account statements twice a month to realize the mistakes I have committed and my future action plans

I recommend all you guys out there to read the following blogs to find interesting and helpful tips on personal finance:

I can list more than 25 sites but I feel these 3 sites will be of great help to you.

Have fun and become rich.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Welcome (My first ever hindi moviereview/rating)

I had been to Gulbarga for a long weekend and as usual the trip involved having fun, biking around, eating and watching movies. This time I had decided to watch the most happening movies in bolloywood Welcome and TZP. I went with Dr.Ravindra to one of the leading video studios in gulbarga to enquire for the movies when we reached the shop we realized that neither of the CD’s were available…then we decided to watch any other good English movie..when we asked the shop owner to suggest some movies he was not able to recommend a single good movie J I now realized how useful my watchlist was which I published in my previous blog.

Now coming to the point Welcome is a comedy from the producers of “Hera Pheri” and “Phir Hera Pheri”, the director of “No Entry” and the distributors of “Jab We Met”, this mega Christmas release boasts of lavish locales, chartbusting music (Himesh Reshammiya, Sajid-Wajid, Anand Raj Anand) and major star power; all making it the biggest knockabout comic caper of 2007.

First thing that comes to your mind when you hear Akshay Kumar and Paresh Rawal are together is comedy and fun. Though Akshay does not have a big share in the movie to exhibit his talent…true show winners are Nana and Anil kapoor.

Nana plays Uday Shetty, a don whose sister Sanjana (Katrina) falls for Rajiv (Akshay) whose uncle Dr Ghungroo (Rawal) wants him to be married to a family with no criminal record. In a comedy of errors, Rajiv falls in love with Sanjana and is now faced with the prospect of marrying someone from a crime based family or face mafia style death. The punch line of the movie, which says Marry or die, goes well with the scenario.

The selling point of this movie is the dialogues and the funny situation where Rajiv tries to transform mafia’s into good citizens. The forced masala and inclusion of Mallika makes the movie little dull. Coming to comedy, the rare comic parts in the movie are when Nana, the don tries his hand at acting in a movie and is courted by Mallika Sherawat. Partly funny are scenes where Anil Kapoor turns painter and is courted by Sherawat again. The climax part has typical Masala comedy is too pointless to be even discussed.

It is worth watching on your PC with your family and friends when you do not have any better work to do than killing the time. It’s definitely not a good idea to watch the movie in the theater. As for the songs, most of them are way below average and are all thoroughly ill timed.

You can rate the movie as 3.5 of 5.